Raoul typed "good shot", effectively conceding the
Rocket League match down 4-1 with 0:09 left to play. It had been a weird couple hours for the man known as Dark Pie; he had been seduced (rather endearingly) by one LizzyLulz into a dozen games of car-soccer bliss.
Lizzy was as tryhard as they come
—her darkly-painted Breakout car looked fierce in the [Mannfield] Night. She grinded ranked games nightly and routinely watched tutorial videos for insight. The game was kind of a lifestyle for her: something that made her usually boring nights feel productive and vibrant.
It was about 10pm on a random Thurday when she queued Solo Duel, a game mode mainly used for practicing mechanics. But tonight Lizzy felt lonely and sought a team-mate in the cesspool of middle-ranked competitive. She usually trash-talked in-game but set out to present herself as a compliment factory, an unflinchingly positive personality in a game without many.
Pie took the bait. At least, he was the one person she met who seemed not just receptive, but almost purposefully and infuriatingly self-effacing. 3 minutes gone by, with a rare 0-0 scoreline, and the guy was saying things like 'damn i suck' and 'nice car' as Lizzy bricked open shots in a match she seemed to want to go on forever. This guy! Why was he typing while he should be defending? Why didn't he seem to care about his rank? He wasn't a bad player at all; he had some insanely natural ability on defense, even if his scoring prowess was rather nonexistent
.
She led 1-0 with 13 seconds left. Pie had the ball near his own net, while Lizzy's ferocious Breakout sat motionless in goal. She came up to midfield; Pie dribbled right past her and confusedly watched the ball slowly roll into a tie game. 'Lucky', he typed. She hit the Nice Shot command and thought about how she was going to do this.
Overtime began from a diagonal kick-off which Pie knew he would lose. He didn't know that Lizzy was typing an invitation which she promptly deleted a split-second before the timer began. Pie got to the ball first regardless, and the ball ricocheted off the Breakout into a singular wall-bounce, finally landing in the net at 60 mph.
"Wow," she typed. "Nice block!"
"Luck," he responded, before the cordial 'ggs' were exchanged.
Lizzy had never felt so satisfied from a decidedly shit game of
League. She promptly typed, "Wanna play some doubles?"
"[Y]eh lets do it," Dark Pie replied almost instantly.
The pair lost almost every game they played together. Lizzy overcompensated on defense while Pie followed suit on offense. During one tense 3-3 game, Pie stood in goal with about 10 seconds to go. As the ball came sailing from half court heading straight towards his net, the would-be hero launched his Octane skyward knocking Lizzy straight out of the air. They lost in embarrassing fashion, and Lizzy let out a few rage emojis in Steam chat.
They lovingly shit-talked each other all night, with Pie finally challenging her to a duel to cap it off. As we know, the deadpan defender got his ass kicked, and he took it like a champ. Later that night, the pair of love-cars lost their cyber-virginity and the rest, my fucking friends, is history.
